One of the things that I frequently hear my clients say is that they have a tendency to ruminate. They have an intrusive thought in their head, and can’t seem to stop replaying it over and over. It might be something they said in the meeting that wasn’t (in their opinion) ‘fully baked,’ Sometimes it’s a constructive comment that they take personally. Sometimes, it’s the anticipation of an upcoming presentation. Whatever the topic, it takes over most of the available mental space, causes anxiety and diminishes productivity.
Everyone ruminates from time to time. But, since my clients tend to be female HR executives, I’ll speak from that perspective. However, the technique outlined below can work for anyone.
Why do women ruminate?
Well, a huge contributing factor is the way they are socialized growing up and in the workplace. In general, girls and women are praised for their conscientiousness, the thoroughness of their work, their grades, for dotting i’s and crossing t’s. Men and boys, generally, tend to be praised and rewarded for their competitiveness, their risk taking, and winning. This can cause its own issues, but we’ll focus on the impact on ruminating.
When someone has repeatedly earned praise for having the right answers and for the research they put into their work product, they tend to adopt a perfectionist mentality. Then, when they feel they have come up short or were lacking, it’s extra painful.
So, what’s a person to do when they just can’t stop an intrusive thought from running rampant in their mind? Below, I’ve outlined a great technique that I take zero credit for. I actually came across it in Nick Trenton’s book Stop Overthinking: 23 Techniques to Relieve Stress, Stop Negative Spirals, Declutter Your Mind, and Focus on the Present. I will, however, take credit for trying it repeatedly with much success. It works in the moment, when you’re sitting at your desk or in the middle of the night when you are awoken by your tiny humans and can’t fall back asleep.
The 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Technique:
When we are ruminating, we are not functioning in the present. We are either inside our mind rehashing a past situation, or entertaining some future event.
But, the conscious mind can only focus on one thing at a time. We can bring our mind back to the present, and ‘tether’ it to something physical to stop the spiral. So, try the following.
- Find 5 things in your environment that you can see (your fingernails, your water bottle, a colorful file folder) and focus your attention on observing the exquisite details of each of them.
- Next, find 4 things in your environment that you can feel or touch (your pillowcase, the seat of your chair under you, your computer mouse) and focus your attention on the details and textures of each.
- Now, identify 3 things that you can hear (air flowing through the vents, a TV in the background, your own breathing) and focus your attention on details like if the sound is distant or close
- Then, notice 2 things you can smell (fabric softener, perfume, coffee brewing) and consider the details – is the scent strong or faint, etc.
- Finally, identify 1 thing you can taste like the remnants of toothpaste or a cough drop.
Do you have any techniques that work for you to break the rumination cycle?