Effective and impactful communication is essential for all professionals, but especially for those in or striving for senior leadership roles. Sometimes, we don’t even notice that we are using subtle words and phrases that minimize our credibility. While we all do it from time to time, it is unfortunately a lot more common for women. Here are a few examples:
“I just wanted to tell you……” The word just – It sounds like just another word, right? However, when used as a qualifier like this it is basically an apology. Essentially, the speaker is apologizing for what comes next and subtly suggesting that their thoughts or opinions don’t matter. Instead, try saying “I wanted to tell you….”
“I’m not an expert on this, but….” Again, this kind of phrase is a qualifier that minimizes whatever content comes after it, no matter how relevant or accurate. Instead, try saying “In my opinion…..” or, if you still feel the need for a qualifier, phrasing like “Based on my understanding of the situation…..” is a measured approach that doesn’t minimize your credibility.
“I want to quickly update you on…..” Using the word quickly is a subtle way of suggesting that your time is not as important as someone else’s time. Even if you are trying to respect another person’s valuable time, try saying “I want to provide you an update on…..” Then, be prepared to offer the update clearly and concisely, with all the relevant facts and information needed to respect the receiver’s time. ”
“I sort of thought that maybe we should……” Sort of and maybe sound as though you are not confident about whatever follows. Instead, try “I think that we should…..”
“I’m a little bit concerned that…..” If you’re only a little bit or sort of concerned about something, it’s unlikely you even feel the need to broach the subject. Try instead “I’m concerned that….”
It can be overwhelming to try to eliminate self-sabotaging phrases from conversation, especially if they have been ingrained in our speech patterns for years through socialization and repetition. Just an hour or so after I wrote this article, I had a call with a potential client and found myself uttering the words “I kind of have some expertise in that area.” I had to stop myself and say “I should rephrase. I am an expert in that area.”
Here are a few options to help remove the sabotaging language from your vocabulary:
Consider what words or phrases you use most and put your initial focus there. Have alternative phrases ready to go.
Start with email. Oftentimes it’s easier to catch these minimizing words in phrases in writing than it is when we are speaking. Pay close attention to the content of your emails and rephrase sabotaging verbiage before sending.
Consider asking a friend or co-worker to help you realize when you do it.
If you are a leader and notice these kinds of phrases from your direct reports, privately draw their attention to it, and help them build more confident speaking skills going forward.